For Me or for Others

I start to question my self whether I live this way because I like it and its for my lord or if its to please other people. Am i doing this for Allah or for the judgmental thoughts of those around me? If so then why am i not fully covered? why do I do one thing in front of my parents and another behind their backs? Is that not the definition of a two faced person? For all the wrong that i have done and continue to do why must it be so hard for me to stay true to myself? I know partly is because of my friends but who are these friends? Yah, i chill with them and i tell them secrets but those secrets are all worldly secrets. I know that when i die i'd have not gotten a single benefiet from the secrets I've shared in life about boys and momentary things. Which then brings me to the fact about my self? Why do I dress this way? I know it's a problem for many sisters. They want to take the step ahead and leap into that soft bundle of protection from the strength of Imaan. But that protection comes with a fee you must pay. You must be a devout Muslim and worship God.

So am I ready? When will I be ready? I just hope it's soon.